What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Landon is a worrier. He always has been so last night's conversation should not have come as a surprise to me. I don't know how we got on the topic (usually these conversations pop up out of the blue) but I'd like to do my best to recreate most of the conversation...

L: I don't know what college to go to. What colleges are there?
Me: Well...there's NC State. It's like North Carolina's version of Virginia Tech. And it's close to home.
L: I want to go to the college you went to.
Me: Well...I went to a college for girls only. But NC State is right across the street from Mommy's school.
L: But I don't know what kind of job I want to have.
Me: What do you think you'd like to do?
L: (starting to panic) I HAVE NO IDEA!
Me: Ok. Well you have plenty of time to figure it out. Like 14 years.
L: NO I DON'T. I have to know what I want to do before I can even pick a college.
Me: Ok, buddy. It's ok. We'll figure it all out. You like math and you're super good at it. How about a job where you have to use math.
L: Like what?
Me: (googles "jobs for people good at math") What about an accountant?
L: What do they do?
Me: They deal with money.
L: I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH MONEY!
Me: What about a math teacher?
L: NO! I don't want to teach.
Me: Do you want to work with people or...
L: I want to work alone.
Me: Okaaaaaay. What about an engineer? You'd make a really good engineer. And NC State has a really good engineering program. You can design cool stuff. And I think they make good  money.
L: I don't want to be super rich. And I don't want to be poor. I just want to have enough money.
Me: Ok. (looks at google some more) Oooooh...what about an astronomer? They use math for cool space stuff.
L: WHAT? I DON'T EVEN LIKE TELESCOPES.
Me: Ok. (looks some more) OH! HOW ABOUT A METEOROLOGIST? Like Eric at the Y. You love weather.
L: (getting teary-eyed and extremely panicked) THEY HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE THE WEATHER. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THAT.
Me: Well, you'd learn how to. Or you wouldn't even have to tell people the weather. There are lots of jobs in meteorology that do other stuff. You could study earthquakes or tsunamis or the oceans or rocks.
L: Where would I learn to do that?
Me: Well, Eric went to NC State.
L: What? Do I have to go to NC State for everything?
Me: (stares)
L: I can't do that. Those aren't fun jobs.
Me: Ok. Well let me google fun jobs. (googles "fun jobs") Ok, the first one is a Ferrari instructor and that's just not feasible. Ok how about a pilot? Uncle Craig is a pilot.
L: WHAT?!?! AND CRASH INTO THE OCEAN? NO!
Me: Ok. How about a firefighter?
L: I AM NOT BURNING UP IN A FIRE.
Me: Buddy, we'll figure it out. You need to get through elementary school, then middle school, then high school. And as you start taking classes in middle and high school, you'll figure out what you like to do and what might be a good fit for you. You have plenty of time and we'll help you.
L: I'll be a janitor.
Me: What? You want to clean up people's pee and poop and maybe even puke?
L: They don't do that.
Me: Landon, janitors clean toilets.
L: Oh. I don't want to do that!
Me: We'll get it figured out, buddy. Don't worry so much. Let's think about everything you are doing this summer!
L: I NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M GOING TO BE AND WHAT COLLEGE TO GO TO!!!
Me: We'll get it figured out, buddy. We'll get it figured out. Time for bed now.


May I remind you... he's only 8.